I saw the black writing coming through a feed recently …. and in a quiet moment – decided to comment back as an English person who has spent more than half of his life outside of the UK – and most of that in the United States …..

In the UK (as an American has written) … and I respond 

  • Almost everyone is very polite … ‘almost’
  • The food is generally outstanding …  ‘generally’ – and it does depend where
  • There are no guns … there are some
  • There are too many narrow stairs … #truthy
  • Everything is just a little bit different … only to Yanks
  • The pubs close too early … not any more – but you need to know where to go
  • Pubs are not bars, they are community living rooms … #nice
  • You’d better like peas, potatoes and sausage … who doesn’t ?
  • Refrigerators and washing machines are very small … smaller than the US ones for sure
  • Everything is generally older, smaller and shorter … ‘generally’
  • There are very well behaved dogs everywhere … and badly behaved ones aswell
  • People don’t seem to be afraid of their neighbors or the government … was this written before Bliar ruined the country ?
  • Their paper money makes sense, the coins don’t … HA!
  • Everyone has a washing machine but driers are rare … but we do have wind
  • The reason they drive on the left is because all their cars are built backwards … I will link to a separate post here later
  • Hot and cold water faucets. Remember them? … yup
  • Pants are called “trousers”, underwear are “pants” and sweaters are “jumpers” … well we’re English … so I think we know how to speak it !
  • The bathroom light is a string hanging from the ceiling … no – that is the SWITCH for the bathroom light
  • “Fanny” is a naughty word, as is “shag” … not truly naughty tho – just a little
  • All the signs are well designed with beautiful typography and written in full sentences with proper grammar … ahem – I think I need to link to my visual collection of stupid english signs
  • There’s no dress code … really ? have you BEEN to England ?
  • Doors close by themselves, but they don’t always open … all done with ghosts
  • They eat with their forks upside down … no we don’t – they are forks – not spoons
  • English are as crazy about their gardens as Americans are about cars … nobody is THAT crazy
  • They don’t use facecloths or napkins … oh for heavens sake – really … where were you staying ?
  • The wall outlets all have switches, some don’t do anything … just like America
  • There are hardly any cops or police cars … oh you must be a criminal – if you are innocent – trust me – they are there !
  • There are 5,000 year old rocks still standing around. No one is sure why … maybe not in America – but we English do understand the ‘long game’
  • When you do see police they seem to be in male & female pairs and often smiling … #truthy
  • Black people are just people: they didn’t quite do slavery here … umm – we did, but abandoned it before America was invented
  • Everything comes with chips, which are French fries. You put vinegar on them … #crap
  • Cookies are “biscuits” and potato chips are “crisps” … again – we are English .. and that is the language we speak
  • HP sauce is better then catsup … #naturally – most things are
  • Obama is considered a hero, Bush is considered an idiot … I thought we were agreed in America on that aswell ? #bubble?
  • After fish and chips, curry is the most popular food … ummm no, other way round … link to come
  • The water controls in showers need detailed instructions … just like in America
  • Folks don’t always lock their bikes … ditto
  • It’s completely normal to see people dressing different and speaking different languages … on the dressing front – have you been to Mardi Gras ? Languages  Yup – but if a different language is being spoken – it probably isn’t a Brit doing it!
  • Electronic devices work fine with just a plug adapter … que ?
  • Nearly everyone is better educated then we are … now how hard is that ? Really ?
  • If someone buys you a drink you must do the same … no ‘must’ … it’s called ‘manners’
  • There are no guns … but there are a lot of knives – and ‘no’ is an exaggeration 
  • Look right, walk left … its about being ‘aware’
  • It’s not that hard to eat with the fork in your left hand with a little practice #truthy
  • If you don’t, everyone knows you’re an American … see all above – and below
  • Many of the roads are the size of our sidewalks … and many of your sidewalks just don’t exist
  • There’s no AC … oh – you mean Air Conditioning … thought you meant electricity for a minute there
  • Instead of turning the heat up, you put on a jumper … have you heard of global warming … oh wait – consider the audience
  • Gas is “petrol”, it costs about $7 a gallon and is sold by the liter … gas is gas – petrol is liquid – we have taxes – that people pay – and we went metric … in some parts
  • If you speed on a motorway, you get a ticket. Always … not true
  • You don’t have to tip, really! … you don’t HAVE to in America – its just that we pay something approximating to living wages in the UK
  • Scotland, Wales, Ireland and Cornwall really are different countries … country / county … really … there is no difference !!!
  • Everyone here has a passport, only 14% of Americans do … #truthy
  • You pay the price marked on products because the taxes (VAT) are built in … I know – but BOY that tax is HIGH compared to the US Sales Tax
  • Walking is the national pastime … and in america it is driving … you do the math
  • Their TV looks and sounds much better then ours … whose wouldn’t ?
  • They took the street signs down during WWII but haven’t put them all back up yet … umm, depends
  • Everyone enjoys a good joke … no we don’t … sorry – is this the 30 minute, or the full hour ?
  • There are no guns … see above re knives
  • Dogs are very well behaved and welcome everywhere … no they are not
  • There are no window screens … we don’t need them – we don’t open the windows –  it is too cold / hot
  • You can get on a bus and end up in Paris … same is true in Texas
  • Everyone knows more about our history then we do … again – how hard is that … really ?
  • Radio is still a big deal. The BBC is quite good … the BBC is VERY good – and our radio is so good that when Apple launched their global radio station they took a DJ from Radio 1 to launch it
  • The newspapers can be awful … but we do have a lot of them – so there is choice and they aren’t all owned by the same people – and we have more serious news papers in the UK than in ALL of the USA – with a population less than 1/4
  • Everything costs the same but our money is worth less so you have to add 50% to the price to figure what you’re paying – it’s called traveling in a FOREIGN country
  • Beer comes in large, completely filled, actual pint glasses and the closer the brewery the better the beer – ale actually – and strictly speaking only completely filled if it is a pint glass – we also have ‘larger than pint’ glasses – with a mark where the pint gets filled to
  • Butter and eggs aren’t refrigerated … it’s cold enough
  • The beer isn’t warm, each style is served at the proper temperature … at last – someone gets it
  • Cider (alcoholic) is quite good … no it isn’t
  • Excess cider consumption can be very painful … yes it can be, which explains my comment above
  • The universal greeting is “Cheers” (pronounced “cheeahz” unless you are from Cornwall, then it’s “chairz”) … I think if you said ‘cheers’ to someone from Yorkshire, you wouldn’t have been left in a position capable of writing this to begin with
  • The money is easy to understand: 1-2-5-10-20-50 pence, then-£1-£2-£5-£10, etc bills. There are no quarters … why is this easy ?
  • Their cash makes ours look like Monopoly money … Botswansa’s cash make US case look like monopoly money
  • Cars don’t have bumper stickers … sorry – they do – but not as many as in the US – I’ll give you that
  • Most doorknobs, buildings and tools are older than America … stating the bleeding obvious
  • By law, there are no crappy, old cars … there are, and they should;t be on the road – but they are
  • When the sign says something was built in 456, they didn’t lose the “1” … #truthy
  • BBC 4 is NPR … no it isn’t – it is BBC4 … actually I think you mean Radio 4
  • Everything closes at 1700 (5pm) … no it doesn’t – for example – see above re Pubs
  • Very few people smoke … and ?
  • You’re defined by your accent … not ‘defined’ … ‘thought’ to be ‘understood’ – with knowledge of where you hail from
  • No one in Cornwall knows what a Cornish Game Hen is … do you ?
  • Soccer is a religion, religion is a sport … as opposed to the US were SPORT is a religion and religion is politics
  • Europeans dress better then the British, we dress worse … no doubt I would put the US GENERALLY at the bottom of the heap – but really – have you seen some of the European outfits ?
  • The trains work: a three minute delay is regrettable … must have been an off day !
  • Drinks don’t come with ice … see above re temperature in the UK
  • There are far fewer fat English people – our population is smaller – but i know what you mean 
  • There are a lot of healthy old folks wandering around participating in life instead of hiding at home watching tv … now we are talking
  • If you’re over 60 and English, you get free bus, rail travel and tv … Don’t you mean ‘British’ – they are different you know
  • Displaying your political or religious affiliation is considered very bad taste – a lesson to be learned there 
  • Every pub has a pet drunk – and every drunk has a pet pub
  • Their healthcare works, but they still bitch about it … because it could be better
  • Cake is one of the major food groups … unlike chips, burgers, hot dogs, ice cream …
  • Their coffee is mediocre but their tea is wonderful … true – and the coffee hasn’t improved that much even tho Starbucks has arrived
  • There are still no guns – there are – but LOADS MORE knives 
  • Towel warmers … now THAT – tight there … THAT … THATS what is missing in the USA